English Writing Exercise (All Levels)

Reviews

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  Don Moore
  

  Mochapoints: 263642  |  Teacher Score: 261558 (100%)

  I live in Panzhihua city. It is located in southwestern China. The name of our city comes from Panzhihua that is a major flower here, and it is also the only city named after a flower in China. Panzhihua often bloom in the end of winter and is red or yellow, the red species is common. When Panzhihu bloom, the city is covered by red and full of warmth, vitality and enthusiam. I like the winter here. There is also a famous Ertan hydro-power station, warm spring, a big steel factory, some delicious, local dishes and several rare metal. If you come here. you could visit these places, taste food and drift in Jinsha river. I think the drift is most exciting and worth doing. Can you find the changes I made? Submitted over a year ago

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  SteveB
  

  Mochapoints: 2972  |  Teacher Score: 2370 (100%)

  I agree with Don Moore's suggestions with a few changes: I live in Panzhihua city. It is located in southwestern China. The name of our city comes from the name of the Panzhihua flower that is very common here. It is also the only city named after a flower in China. Panzhihua often bloom in the end of winter and is red or yellow, the red species is common. When Panzhihu bloom, the city is covered by red and full of warmth, vitality and enthusiasm. I like the winter here. There is also a famous Ertan hydro-power station, warm spring, a big steel factory, some delicious, local dishes and several rare metals. If you come here. you could visit these places, taste food and drift on Jinsha river. I think the drift is most exciting and worth doing. Submitted over a year ago

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  Ernest Wood
  

  Mochapoints: 7793  |  Teacher Score: 7285

  Very good Submitted over a year ago

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  kromm
  

  Mochapoints: 38634  |  Teacher Score: 34039 (100%)

  Very good descriptive English, all the small changes by others are good. I have seen the red Panzhihua in Florida, USA Panzhihua shi hen mei, Panzhihua 很美. Submitted over a year ago

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  Dancing Bear
  

  Mochapoints: 9425  |  Teacher Score: 7082 (98%)

  It’s well written. My comments are as follows. “Southwest” is a noun. “Southwestern” is an adjective. We can say either “in southwestern China” or “in THE southwest of China.” We use “of” only after the noun. We would not use the noun “name” and the verb” Is named” together. Rather, we could say “the name of the city is…” or “the city is named…” The word, “major” generally implies “of great importance, serious or dangerous.” Here I would say “a common flower.” “Common” here means “widespread.” I would say, “the only city named after a flower.” I use the definite article, “the” because I’m talking about a definite city. Also, we usually say that something is named “after” something else or somebody else. For example, “She named her first child after her father.” “The city of Houston is named after a famous Texan.” We don’t use “of” with “here” or “there.” So, “I like the winter here.” I can’t think of any time we would use a preposition before “here” or “there.” Although the word, “drift” is correct, it’s more common (at least where I live) to say “float.” The last sentence I would say as, “I think floating is exciting and worth doing.” It’s good. Submitted over a year ago

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  John
  

  Mochapoints: 6918  |  Teacher Score: 6498 (100%)

  Hello Amy, Thank you for asking me to review your work. I apologize for the delay. You will have read the comments made by other reviewers and I suppose this shows people have differing opinions in their interpretation of the English language. There is of course a vast difference between the English language as spoken and written by an Englishman and an American. You must feel comfortable in what you say and how you say it. I would suggest your writing goes something like this: I live in Panzhihua city which is located in the south west of China. The city was named after the Panzhihua flower which grows in the area and is the only city in China named after a flower. The Panzhihua blooms at the end of winter and is red or yellow in colour with the red flower being more common than the yellow. When the Panzhihua is in full bloom, it appears the city is covered in a red and yellow glow which adds a touch of warmth, vitality and enthusiasm. I like and enjoy the winters here. Panzhihua city is famous for the Ertan Hydro-power station, warm springs, large steel factory, rare metal and of course it has some delicious local foods. If you visit Panzhihua city, go sightseeing to some of these places and taste the wonderful local dishes and go swimming in the Jinsha river, I am sure you will have a wonderful time. I hope this helps Amy and it is just an alternative on that what was written. Kind regards, John Submitted over a year ago

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