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English Writing Exercise (All Levels)

Course 201, Unit 7, Lesson 4

My Country

Instructions: Please introduce the country in which you live. What country would you like to visit on your next trip? Which country did you visit on your last trip?

velvet's submission: Average Rating:
With my father's shouting, I woke up. I looked to the clock on the table which spreads a new white table-cloth. It showed half past ten. It was unbelievable that I slept for nearly twelve hours. Then I got up. After I did some washing, it was a quarter to eleven then. As the water flowed out of the faucet, time went by. However, time never stops its steps. After having a meal, it is eleven o'clock now! How time flies!
Submitted over a year ago

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Reviews

  • Dawn
    Mochapoints: 6647  |  Teacher Score: 1685 (100%)
    Your last sentence is great! You may have been trying to say too much in one sentence in the others. When "sharply" is used, it is usually after the time: It was ten sharp. This means it is on the tenth hour exactly. We do have some sayings using time such as: "time marches on", "time never stands still". I think you should rewrite this exercise. I would like to read it again.
    Submitted over a year ago
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  • ESLBruce
    Mochapoints: 7958  |  Teacher Score: 4347 (100%)
    You are very poetic in your expression and I like the way you take chances with your English, playing with it. However, you make it a bit difficult to understand in the process. I think you may have been saying, "It was exactly ten to eleven a half houjr ago. "table spread with a new white table cloth" "moves forward three numbers (we don't have a good word for this...), the time becomes....."time never stops", (you are such a poet!) another quarter hour passes.
    Submitted over a year ago
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  • Lorraine
    Mochapoints: 14694  |  Teacher Score: 13654 (0%)
    Hi Velvet... An interesting exercise, although, as the others have said, a little confusing. Perhaps, as Dawn has suggested, you could rewrite the exercise using the advice here.
    Submitted over a year ago
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  • lloyd
    Mochapoints: 1457  |  Teacher Score: 1136 (0%)
    I agree with their comments. You are very poetic and it is so hard to understand when you read them at first. You have to be direct to your word, what you mean...
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  • Rickster
    Mochapoints: 1306  |  Teacher Score: 985 (0%)
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  • Dawn
    Mochapoints: 6647  |  Teacher Score: 1685 (100%)
    Wow! I have a clear picture of the story you are telling, now. I believe you are saying, "on the table spread with a new white table-cloth." The only other correction is that you do not need the word 'then': After I did some washing, it was a quarter to eleven. You used the word 'its' perfectly, something many English-speaking people err with. Good job!
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  • artemis
    Mochapoints: 5489  |  Teacher Score: 4406 (50%)
    I agree with Dawn. I had no trouble understanding you. Nicely done! I like how you tell stories through your exercises.
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  • Betty
    Mochapoints: 2894  |  Teacher Score: 422
    I LIKE YOUR EXERCISES BECAUSE YOU REALLY WRITE, SO IT HELPS YOU TO IMPROVE THIS HABILITY. VERY GOOD!
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  • Dee
    Mochapoints: 3030  |  Teacher Score: 1257 (100%)
    I agree with Betty, you do write a lot which is good.
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  • Lorraine
    Mochapoints: 14694  |  Teacher Score: 13654 (0%)
    Hi Velvet, good rewrite. Just a few small corrections that Dawn has already addressed. Well done :))
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