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English Writing Exercise (All Levels)

Course 102, Unit 6, Lesson 2

Giving and Receiving

Instructions: Describe a present you have received. What was it? Who did you get it from? Is there something you gave in return?

Diana's submission: Average Rating:
On my birthday, I accepted my good friends' present what were beautiful flowers; My father sent me a new cell phone; My mother sent me a new dress; My teacher sent me an interesting book; My uncle sent me a new computer; My grandparents sent me a new electric bike held a big party for me.....Oh, I got many wonderful presents! When teir birthday are coming, I will do the same ( I will return some presents for them.) for everybody who loved me. I know people need love and be loved!
Submitted over a year ago

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Reviews

  • ron
    Mochapoints: 17390  |  Teacher Score: 14496 (0%)

    On my birthday, I accepted my good friend's present which were beautiful flowers; My father sent me a new cell phone; My mother sent me a new dress; My teacher sent me an interesting book; My uncle sent me a new computer; My grandparents sent me a new electric bike and held a big party for me.....Oh, I got many wonderful presents! When their birthday will come, I will do the same ( I will get some presents for them.) for everybody who loved me. I know people need love and be loved!

    Submitted over a year ago
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  • Henrique _ 恩裏克
    Mochapoints: 81647  |  Teacher Score: 62314 (97%)

    Good job!

    Submitted over a year ago
  • Ronny Bryson 彭瑞...
    Mochapoints: 21824  |  Teacher Score: 16772

    very good!!

    Submitted over a year ago
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  • Doug <大哥>
    Mochapoints: 8442  |  Teacher Score: 7165 (100%)

    Excellent, even though you made a few mistakes.

    Submitted over a year ago
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  • Frog Legs Eater
    Mochapoints: 3072  |  Teacher Score: 807 (0%)

    nice

    Submitted over a year ago
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  • GB Fred
    Mochapoints: 120945  |  Teacher Score: 120319 (98%)

    On my birthday, I {received # accepted} my good {friends' # friend's} present [which _was _a _bunch] _of  beautiful flowers. My father sent me a new cell phone, my mother sent me a new dress, my teacher sent me an interesting book, my uncle sent me a new computer _and my grandparents sent me a new electric bike _and held a big party for me.....Oh, I {had = got} many wonderful presents! When _each of _their birthdays _is coming, I shall do the same (I shall give presents to them *in return.) for everybody who {loves # has shown their love for me. I know people need _to love and be loved!

    (I need love = I need someone to love me # I need to {love [someone] = give my love [to someone])

    *"in return" would suggests that the reason for your giving a present, is that you feel an obligation rather than a desire.

    "accept" implies some possibility of reluctance or privilege.

    (Happy Birthday! x)

    Submitted over a year ago
  • giskard
    Mochapoints: 17335  |  Teacher Score: 9659 (100%)

    Happy Birthday, Diana.

    I rewrote your sentences but please note that they could have been written several different ways.  You should review the rules for punctuation and grammar. 

    On my birthday, I had a big party.  My friends and family gave me wonderful gifts.  I received beautiful flowers from my good friend, a cell phone from my father, a new dress from my mother, an interesting book from my teacher, a new computer from my uncle, and a new electric bike from my grandparents.  To show my love, I will celebrate with them when they all have their birthdays.

    Take care,

    Mark

    Submitted over a year ago
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  • Mike
    Mochapoints: 1153  |  Teacher Score: 804 (0%)

    On my birthday, I accepted my good friends' present what (which) were beautiful flowers; My father sent me a new cell phone; My mother sent me a new dress; My teacher sent me an interesting book; My uncle sent me a new computer; My grandparents sent me a new electric bike (and) held a big party for me.....Oh, I got many wonderful presents! When teir (their) birthday are coming, I will do the same ( I will return some presents for them.) for everybody who loved me. I know people need love and be loved!

     

    Good.  I would change "sent" to "gave".  Sent implies delivery, where as "gave" just indicates you received something from them.

    Submitted over a year ago
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