When are the activities?
Instructions:
Provide the time for the activities of six people: a woman, a man, a girl, a boy, you and me. EX. The girls are reading a book at nine o’clock. The boys play in the bedroom at seven thirty.
English Writing Exercise (All Levels)
Course 101, Unit 3, Lesson 3
 Rocío's submission: | Average Rating: |
Stabbed in the back, the girl didn't know where to go to. Everyone had let her down, and she didn't know who she could count on. She was walking down the street, with a couple of golden coins in her pocket, her little purse on her shoulder, and some tears welling in her eyes, waiting for the right moment to start falling. She also wore jeans and a black t-shirt, in which you could read "I ♥ London". This was a present from her uncle, a wanderer who couldn't spend a single week in the same place, and had walked all over the world, stopping just to visit his family, expecting that they would put him up for a night or two. That was time enough to tell them about his last adventures and see his young niece, of whom he was really proud, maybe because she was his first niece or maybe because she wasn't old enough to get into troubles, or he thought so. He saw that he was wrong when he found her in the train station, asking to go with him, no matter where, but far from that dark city she had learnt to hate.
Submitted over a year ago
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Stabbed in the back, the girl didn't know where to go to (It's taboo to end a sentence with a preposition, unless there's a good reason). Everyone had let her down, and she didn't know who she could count on (This is a bit too similar to the previous sentence). She was walking down the street, with a couple of golden coins in her pocket, her little purse on her shoulder, and some tears welling in her eyes, waiting for the right moment to start falling. She also wore jeans and a black t-shirt, in which you could read "I ♥ London". This was a present from her uncle, a wanderer who couldn't spend a single week in the same place, and had walked all over the world, stopping just to visit his family, expecting that they would put him up for a night or two. That was time enough to tell them about his last adventures and see his young niece, of whom he was really proud, maybe because she was his first niece or maybe because she wasn't old enough to get into troubles, or [so he thought]. He saw that he was wrong when he found her in the train station, asking to go with him, no matter where [it was], but far from that dark city she had learnt ('learned' in the US) to hate.
I particularly liked the description of the uncle. You nailed it perfectly.
learnt or learned. Either way is correct depending on where you use the word.
You could fix quite a few sentences. You have a lot of run-ons (sentences with commas). You can split each "run-on" into 2 or 3 more sentences.
I love your submissions. Keep them coming and keep up the Wonderful work!
Wow... I'm impressed!:-)
Really great work for a non-native speaker. I agree with previous comments, especially the one above about breaking down your sentences. It would make it much easier to read.
An excellent piece of writing, along with excellent comments. You won't get much better than this, well done!
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Hi Rocio! You have submitted a great story once again. The other comments are very good for you also. I would add that when using quotation marks, the period or comma comes BEFORE "close quote," ie; ." not ". Continue to strive for shorter sentences where possible, and above all, continue improving!
P.S. "Learned" is American, while "learnt" is British.
Rocío, otra vez, ¡y ahora en inglés! Felicitaciones. Abrazos.
count on or rely on.
We can't put purse in the shoulder.
we drop tears/ shed tears.
Hello,
Really an excellent submission. One error in grammar only. You wrote:...
....from that dark city she had learnt to hate.
You should have written: ...from that dark city she had learned to hate.
Keep up the good work.
melking