Review Member Submissions - Writing
Your Family
Describe your family. Do you have any brothers or sisters? Are they older or younger?
Author:
Tadzio Andante
Tadzio Andante
My family is not big.I have a younger sister who lives in Germany.My grandparents died several years ago.My father is an official in a bank.He travels every day to work by bus.He doesn't like his job because it's very stressful.The building where he works is always crowded and people are rude and annoying.He preferes to work in our farmyard or in the fields.There he can relax.We both like sports.
He is the only religious person in my family.My mother was a chairwoman,now she is a pensioner.We have a big poultry-farm so she is never bored.She doesn't like cooking because my father and I are fastidious.We often have an argument.My parents are really impatient and easily offended.My sister is studying German in Augsburg.She is hard-working,ambitious and extroverted.She rarely comes home.She comes home only in the winter and summer holidays.Unfortunately we are not a really happy family.
Submitted: 2008-03-30 12:30:11
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Other Members' Submissions
Congratulations
CHARWOMAN
perfect
/:)
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Very, very good, but not perfect!
Frankly speaking, a rich story for learning English!
I saved it!
''I think we must live a life for others not for ourselves.''
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That's very true!
That remain for me a great quote!
My family is not big. I have a younger sister who lives in Germany. My grandparents died several years ago. My father is an official in a bank. He travels every day to work by bus. He doesn't like his job because it's very stressful. The building where he works is always crowded and people are rude and annoying. He [prefers, not “] to work in our farmyard or in the fields. There he can relax. We both like sports.
He is the only religious person in my family. My mother was a charwoman [American English: cleaning lady, custodian, maid or janitor], [and] now she is a pensioner [American English “and now she is retired”]. We have a big poultry-farm so she is never bored. She doesn't like cooking because my father and I are fastidious. [You can also say “very particular about food,” or “very demanding,” or “very critical.”] We often have an argument. [That is grammatically correct, but it would be more natural to write, “We often argue,” or “We argue often.”] My parents are really impatient and easily offended. My sister is studying German in Augsburg. She is hard-working, ambitious and extroverted. She rarely comes home. She comes home only [for (or “during,” but not “in”)] the winter and summer holidays. Unfortunately we are not a really happy family.
Brian
P.S. I lived in Augsburg for about 6 months when I was a teen-ager; it was lovely!
[prefers, not "preferes"]
Keep it up
But is not the point why I reviewing your submission! I'm proud of you.You wrote what kind of family you had. Cheer up! Be strong!
Prefers not preferes ok (*~*)
Good level .
" One is happy not because he owns a lot. One is happy because he does not fuss over little things."
You should know that life is changing articles and news you can use on your journey to succeed and be happy.
Sorry for upset .
Good luck ....
You could have used some connectors though.
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