Review Member Submissions - Writing

At the park.

Describe what you do at the park. Do you play sports? Do you read?

Author:

shyamak
A stroll in a lush green park is really very soothing to eyes and the soul. I don't go to park for games but for reading and ofcourse not from paper book. I like to read the book that is called 'nature'. I feel very cool and calm in park. Fresh and fragrant breeze touches my spirit and my soul changes into a bird that starts flying in the blue sky. It is really very wonderful to sit and relax in the lap of mother Nature.
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Submitted: 2008-04-01 07:32:34



Reviews

  • 2008-04-01 08:45:27
    julkar nain
    You are very good and I except to you that you will be a good English speaker in future.
    I think that you are very logical and creative person . you are improving  day by day. and nice to meet 
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  • 2008-04-01 17:08:26
    Mirifis
    I told you I'm not able to correct your english, you know a lot of nice words and this text sounds like poetry.
    But I can try this :
    -  "Fresh and fragrant breeze touches my spirit" => A fresh and fragrant breeze
    - I feel very cool and calm in THE park
    - I don't go to THE park

    Check with a native speaker. I'm not sure.
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  • 2008-04-02 19:02:54
    jennifer
    This is great!
    In the first sentence:
    "is really very soothing to eyes and soul" or "to the eyes and the soul"
    Most of the time, we need to add an article, like "the" or "a" before nouns, like "park."
    This is very beautiful writing!
    "A fresh and fragrant breeze touches" or "Fresh and fragrant breezes touch"
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  • 2008-04-05 00:48:54
    Ewaldo Santana
    I'm very thrilled with your "poem to mother nature".
    Very good.
    take a look at corrections made by Mirifis and Jennifer.

    Take care
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