Review Member Submissions - Writing
Vacation transportation
When was the last time that you went on a vacation? Did you go by car, airplane or ship? Where did you go?
Author:
lin
lin
My sister is a cute young girl ,she is slim and handsome ,she is a college student . what impress me most is she has known how to make good use of the time ,while other classmates went out to find fun ,she would rather bury in books .in her mind knowledge is power,it could change her life and light up her life ,it makes her life more colorful,more valuable.
Submitted: 2008-05-06 11:45:47
Reviews
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Landmarks and Nationality -
Posted:2008-05-06 11:53:02 -
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4 comments Posted:2008-04-22 14:04:06
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Other Members' Submissions
In general, you could use punctuation better. Punctuation marks go directly after a word and have the space after them. At the beginning of a sentence, you capitalize the first letter.
You're using commas a little incorrectly. I understand that you're using them when you haven't finished your though, but they are in places where you should have a period. "My sister is a cute young girl." This is a complete sentence - subject (my sister) and verb (is) - as is the next clause "she is slim and handsome." If you want the two to be in the same sentence, you need to have a connector (and, but, or, which, that, etc.), and the most appropriate conjunction here is "and." So, "My sister is a cute young girl, and she is slim and handsome." You only want to connect two sentences in this way at a time, otherwise your sentences are too long.
Now some vocab. Handsome is usually used for men in English, though it can be used for older women as well. You could say pretty, beautiful, attractive, etc.
Impress is an incorrect conjugation. Impresses is correct. (singular subject impresses object).
I think you want to say "knows" in the present tense instead of "has known." That is the past but is weird. If you want to say she did know and she still knows, you would say "she has always known" which makes it clearer.
Say "time" instead of "the time." It makes more sense.
Bury is a transitive verb, meaning it needs to take an object. You can bury something or be buried by something. I think you want to say "she would rather be buried in books."
Great job! I'm just being really picky because you're doing so well :-)