Review Member Submissions - Writing
Describing Objects, Animals, and People
Use the new adjectives from this lesson to describe the activities of six objects, animals, and people. EX. The old, heavy elephant is sitting in a clean, quiet place.
Author:
gloren ruth
gloren ruth
My old , sexy granny is spending time for surfing in Hawaii, a state of United States of America with an area of 16,729 sq km/6,459 sq mi. Mr. Abc's newly bought silver car was given to his only grandson,cost millions of pounds. This cold, quiet place is one of the undeveloped,unseen by many,can be considered to be one of the seven wonders of Nature. Yesterday, Ms. Xxx,1600 Ms. Universe, daughter of Mr. and Mrs. Xyz was been kidnapped by the JI at the mall. I am the one who owned the biggest and most deadliest creature in the whole wide world. I was able to touch the skeleton of the first dead mammal in China. I know that what i just wrote is really full of non-sense..I beg you to forgive me..Please I beg you to be patient with me.I really love English.I just don't know what to do...Have a nice day everyone!
Submitted: 2008-08-28 07:26:10
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Other Members' Submissions
go on
In the first sentence you do not need the word "for". Also, you do not need "most" in front of "deadliest".
You did a great job and you should be proud of yourself! Keep on going!
Very nice!
great story.
I liked a lot.
kisses
bye.
Good job!
your granny a good surfer !!!
luck and not to worry
I like your writing. If you write like this, I bet your life is very exciting.
Thanks for asking me to comment
Karashemshek
My old, sexy granny is spending time surfing in Hawaii, a state of the United States of America with an area of 16,729 sq Km/6,459 sq mi.
Leave out the word "for" after time. It is not needed
Mr. Abc's new, silver car was given to his only grandson. It cost a million pounds.
I would make two sentences. You would just say new car and not "newly bought"
This cold, quiet place, unseen by many, in one of the most undeveloped places in the world can be considered one of the seven wonders of Nature.
I changed this around a little. It will read better written this way.
Yesterday, Ms. Xxx,1600 Ms. Universe, daughter of Mr. and Mrs. Xyz was been kidnapped by the JI at the mall.
I think this is OK but I do not understand "Ms. Xxx,1600 Ms. Universe,"
I am the one who owned the biggest and most deadliest creature in the whole wide world. This is good if you do not own the creature. If the creature is now your pet animal, then you need to change owned to "owns"
I was able to touch the skeleton of the first dead mammal in China. Good sentence
I know what I just wrote is really full of non-sense. Leave out "that" and always make "I" a capital letter.
I beg you to forgive me and to be patient with me. Make it a little shorter, like I have done.
I really love English. I just don't know what to do...Have a nice day everyone. Good
-Don't forget to space after commas
-In the "spending time for surfing", the 'for' is not needed
-you should say "a state of THE United States of America"
-"Mr. ABC's newly-bought silver car was given to his only grandson, AND IT cost millions of pounds."
-"This cold, quiet place is undeveloped, unseen by many, AND can be considered to be one of the seven wonders of nature"
-"daughter of Mr. and Mrs. XYZ, has been kidnapped by the JI at the mall"
-"I am the one who owned the biggest and deadliest creature in the whole wide world" when you finish a word with 'est', you don't need a 'most' in front of it
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And I think that's it, just a few mistakes here and there
go on
Great imagination; Your granny should go pro.
I really like your non sense! ;-) they are some how funny.you've done good. Keep going. See you! :)
- Mr. Abc's newly bought silver car was given to his only grandson,cost millions of pounds - does his grandson cost millions of pounds or the car? put cost millions of pounds after silver car if you mean the silver car.
- "and" can be considered....
- "has" been kidnapped.
- I "was" the one who owned...
It's not perfect, but i can understand it quite well. Keep on working hard! You can do it:) jiayou ba...bu2 yao4 fang4 qi4. duo1 ting1, duo1 du2, duo1 lian4 xi2!!